Why Baby Sleep Is So Hard: A Sleep Expert Explains What New Parents Get Wrong

Sleep is a precious commodity for new parents, yet many find themselves struggling to get enough rest as they navigate the challenges of caring for an infant. In the latest episode of Sleep Science Today, host Andrew Colsky speaks with baby sleep expert Alexis Dubief, author of Precious Little Sleep, to explore the realities of infant sleep and how parents can foster better rest for both their babies and themselves.

1. The Parent Sleep Struggle

Modern parents are flooded with advice from social media, parenting forums, and well-meaning influencers—often creating unrealistic expectations about what “good” baby sleep should look like. Alexis highlights how this constant comparison fuels anxiety and self-doubt, particularly for first-time parents who may have little experience with infants before having their own. The lack of structural parental support, especially in the U.S., further compounds exhaustion and isolation.

2. Common Sleep Challenges

One of the most common early struggles is that newborns often refuse to sleep in their cribs. Parents may find themselves holding babies upright for long stretches, sometimes while dangerously sleep-deprived. While the American Academy of Pediatrics outlines clear safe sleep guidelines, babies don’t always cooperate—forcing parents into difficult, emotionally charged decisions at night.

3. Understanding Newborn Sleep Behavior

Alexis emphasizes that fragmented, unpredictable sleep is biologically normal for newborns. Frequent night wakings are expected, not a sign of failure. Preparing for disruption—and recognizing that this phase is temporary—can reduce distress. Alexis encourages parents to proactively plan for help, whether through partners, family, or trusted support systems.

4. The Role of Sleep Training

As babies move beyond the newborn phase, sleep training often becomes a topic of discussion. Alexis suggests that between three and five months is an ideal window to begin shaping healthy sleep habits. At this stage, babies are capable of longer sleep stretches, and gentle structure can be introduced. Waiting until later—around eight or nine months—can make sleep changes more difficult due to ingrained habits and heightened emotional responses.

5. Deciphering Baby Crying

Not all crying signals the same need. Alexis explains that babies often cry due to being under tired rather than overtired—a distinction many parents miss. Immediate intervention isn’t always necessary. Learning to observe patterns and timing can help parents respond more effectively, reducing unnecessary stimulation and improving sleep outcomes.

Early parenthood is exhausting, especially when sleep is disrupted night after night. By understanding what’s normal, seeking support, and establishing age-appropriate sleep routines, parents can navigate these challenges with more confidence and less guilt. While the sleepless phase can feel endless, it is temporary—and better sleep is achievable with the right approach.

Key Takeaways

• Social media often creates unrealistic expectations around baby sleep

• Newborns commonly resist crib sleep, increasing parental stress

• Fragmented sleep is normal and temporary

• Establishing sleep habits between three and five months can prevent future struggles

• Understanding why babies cry leads to better sleep responses

Frequently Asked Questions About Baby Sleep

1. Is it normal for newborns to wake multiple times a night?

Yes. Frequent night waking is biologically normal in newborns due to short sleep cycles, feeding needs, and immature circadian rhythms.

2. Does helping my baby fall asleep create bad sleep habits?

No. Babies require support before they can self-regulate. Responsive care builds security and does not “ruin” sleep.

3. When is the right time to start sleep training?

Many experts, including Alexis Dubief, suggest introducing gentle sleep structure between three and five months, when longer sleep stretches become developmentally possible.

4. Does sleep training always mean letting a baby cry?

No. Sleep training exists on a spectrum, from very gentle methods to more structured approaches. Crying is not the goal and can often be minimized.

5. Why does my baby seem tired but won’t sleep?

Under-tiredness is often the culprit. Too much daytime sleep or mistimed naps can interfere with nighttime sleep.

6. Are sleep regressions a sign that something is wrong?

No. Sleep regressions are usually linked to developmental leaps and are temporary—not a loss of progress.

7. What’s the most important sleep habit parents can focus on early?

Consistency in bedtime routines and appropriate wake windows often matters more than strict schedules.

Tags:

Baby Sleep, Parenting Tips, Newborn Care, Sleep Training, Sleep Science, Parenting Challenges, Exhausted Parents, Child Development, Baby Sleep Expert, Safe Sleep Guidelines